sparkles and shit and flies, oh my!

Once upon a crisp winter day, I was walking down the sidewalk in my then hometown of Colorado Springs. Ahead of me, I spied a shimmery blue-green-purple iridescent object, much like the colors you see on peacock feathers, sparkling in the sun. It was stunning even from a distance!

With mounting curiosity and excitement, I approached, eager to pick it up and discover what secrets this mystery object held. Some have said I have an unnatural fascination with all things shiny and sparkly. This may or may not be true. …Okay, it’s true. I admit it. They say that’s the first step, right?

As I approached, I was still unable to determine what this thing was. I slowed my pace as I drew near, marveling at its beauty, until finally, I was upon it. Still perplexed, I bent down to investigate, intending to pick it up. Did I mention its allure? It was magical!

Imagine my shock when, as I reached out, it burst forth into my face! I could swear my heart just about leapt through my chest! It certainly made a valiant effort to do so. But after the initial shock, I realized what I had discovered…A pile of shit with a swarm of feasting flies covering it! I don’t believe I’ve gone from glee to horror in the time it takes to blink before or since that moment.

As shocking as this was, it provided me a great insight: You can cover your negative emotions and beliefs with positive thinking and affirmations, but until you accept or let go of these feelings and beliefs, you have nothing more than a shiny pile o’ poo that’s going to blow up in your face someday. And that won’t be pretty!

As much as we try to cover up what we perceive as negativity rather than dealing with it, we can’t. But oh, how we try! Shopping, drinking, TV, video games, sex, Facebook, drugs, and even affirmations. We do all of these and more in a desperate attempt to not feel what we think is so wrong inside of us. And it just doesn’t work.

When you’ve built your house on a foundation of shit, it’s gonna stink. No two ways about it. You have to get in there and clean it up. As much as I would like to pretend otherwise, it’s something I struggle with daily. It’s no easy task to look at what I’ve built my house on, let alone let it go. What if my house crumbles? That may not be such a bad thing…Then I can build the house of my dreams!

24 thoughts on “sparkles and shit and flies, oh my!

  1. Such a great post, Christin, and so well written. Had me on the edge of my seat until you told us what it was you had spotted. As for what you have written about, in dealing with negativity, I absolutely agree with you one hundred percent. We are all guilty of holding on to things in life that cause unhappiness and problems and your words, on how to look at them differently, will be so very helpful to many people. I certainly view these kind of problems completely differently now and have learnt to let them go of them as quickly as possible, before they take over my whole life.

    Please feel free to add your post as a ping back to the post of mine you recently commented on, as I think they are very well connected.

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    • It’s amazing, really. We think it’s all outside of us, but it just isn’t. Ever. How the world would be such a different place if we all started taking responsibility – for even 10% of what we blame on others! Just that would make such a difference. But I can’t change the world. I CAN change me, though. And thank god for that! Thank you so much Hugh. I will definitely add a pingback (it gives me the opportunity to figure out how that works finally!) 🙂

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  2. A friend recently mused about why we always feel the need to fix our bad feelings, to find the solution quickly and just stop the icky sensations. What you’ve said here is similar it think; it’s important to sit with the unpleasant feelings for a bit before trying to get rid of them, to feel them and understand them rather than covering them up. At least, that’s what I thought about while reading this 🙂 It’s hard to do. So hard, I has forgotten I was going to try it out.

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    • It’s funny to me how we even label our feelings as good or bad. I do so here because it is societal convention. But really, they’re all just feelings. They’re neutral. Even the “bad” ones have something to tell us, just as the “good” ones do. When we refuse to listen to the “bad” ones, they knock louder and louder until we just can’t ignore them anymore – and that’s usually when all hell breaks loose. Maybe I’ll write a post about this idea because I feel I have so much more to say about the subject. It’s fascinating to me. 😀

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      • Yes, that would be a good post. As far as “bad” feelings knocking louder until we pay attention, that is so true – and it’s how I ended up on stress leave.

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        • “They” say that stress accounts for something like 75-90% of all doctor visits! Isn’t that crazy? How are you feeling now that your year is drawing near (I hope I’m remembering that correctly)?

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          • I’m sure that number is correct, unfortunately. My massage therapist says she sees so many people 10 years older than me coming in with cancer and she’s sure it is related to stress because they’ve come to her for 10 years with major stress-related pain and injuries. Scary!! So, she congratulated me on taking a break 10 years early, hopefully before I’ve done any lasting damage to my health.
            And thank you for asking, and remembering, that my year off anniversary (or whatever you’d call it!) is approaching. I do feel better. I still get a tightness in the chest, I still catch myself gritting my teeth but I am certainly not as exhausted or beside myself as I was. And hopefully I have picked up some awareness and some tips to catch myself before I get all extra-stressed. Ive certainly made some positive changes in my life!

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    • giggle I’m glad you thought it was funny. It was rather funny at the time it happened. And I’m totally not exaggerating, either. Honest! It was the weirdest experience ever and I remember it like it was yesterday (it was about 10 years ago, in reality). I guess something I didn’t mention in the post (which I will edit) is that although I struggle with letting go on the one hand, I actually have gotten pretty good at doing so. I have my sticking points, of course, and days I simply feel stubborn and won’t let go for nothin’. But in the end, even those are no match for my secret weapon. 😀

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  3. I really loved this Christin. The analogy it so right. Think you did a great job on it, even if you still feel it’s not quite finished/right.

    P.S I thought you were going towards a Christmas beetle (well that’s what we call them). Shoud have clicked with the title.

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    • I really struggled with this post, to be honest. I’ve been sitting on it for a couple weeks and revised it so many times. I knew what I wanted to say, but couldn’t quite articulate it. It still doesn’t express what I wanted to say, but I was tired of messing with it. Thanks, Charity. I’m curious to know where you thought it was going, though. Just my inquiring mind wanting to know. 😀

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      • I thought it was just an entertaining story about how attraction to shiny things could be bad. I wasn’t expecting it to take on the depth that it did ^_^
        Well done.

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        • Oh! Hahaha. I dunno though…my attraction to shiny things most definitely could’ve ended worse – like if I’d not been so mesmerized and simply made a grab for said shiny thing! shiver I’m grateful that is not the story I had to tell. 😉

          Thank you, Charity. I feel iike I abruptly shifted gears, but I just couldn’t get it to flow right.

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